Flapper Flap

I’ve been saving my storehouse of knowledge about toilets to contribute enlightenment and dignity during the U.S. Senate race in Georgia. My least favorite candidate is DeKalb CEO Vernon Jones, who wants to do for the whole country what he has done for the county. He is the only Democrat who can achieve the impossible, which is to make me not vote against the despicable Republican, the incumbent as a result of questioning Max Cleland‘s patriotism, as if somehow Cleland may not have sacrificed quite enough arms and legs in the service of his country. Vernon Jones’ claim to fame, as opposed to infamy, is the DeKalb County requirement that to sell an existing home, old water guzzler toilets be retrofit with new low-flush toilets. My problem with this is that in my experience, the new low-flush toilets may use half the water but only clear out half the bowl. You save water per flush, but you end up flushing more.

My Pine Lake neighbor Sharon Day begs to differ with me. About the toilets. Ms. Day has remodeled several charming houses in Pine Lake. She also chairs the Pine Lake Architectural Review Board, which was recently created in response to runaway development in our little city with a polulation of 621. Anyone who has done remodeling of old houses has my acknowledged respect as an unwitting expert about toilets. Sharon Day, a writer, speaker, and coach for evolutionary living, has spoken out in our community on behalf of low-flow toilets.

She received the following inquiry:

I'm trying to talk my husband into a 1.28 gal toilet. He's not unwilling, but he's skeptical about its effectiveness. Would you speak to that? Any problems flushing everything that needs to be flushed in a single tip of the handle? Is there a particular toilet you would recommend?

Ms. Day responded, “What I've found is Glacier Bay 1.28 gal model, SKU 331-725, but it's tricky, because Home Depot has packaged two different toilets under this same name and SKU number. You have to be sure you get the one that has a normal flush valve, rather than the one with a flapperless flusher which got bad reviews.”

I suspect the “normal” flush valve referenced here is the traditional Crapper Flapper, named after its English inventor, Thomas Crapper, knighted by the Queen a century ago in appreciation for his contribution to Western Civilization and known ever after as Sir Crapper.

Ms. Day's Pine Lake home has three low-flush toilets, "the good ones," she notes, from Home Depot on Hwy. 78. She advises to “call them to ask what they have in stock before going there (be sure to ask them to look in the tank and tell you if it's a normal flush flapper. If not, they will install one for around $50.)"

Hell, I’ll install one for $50, plus offer a discount if you mention this blog.

“Happy flushing!” Sharon says.

Copyright 2008 by William C. Cotter